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The Lies I Tell You

January 13, 2014

All right everyone. I have a confession for all of you back home… I lie.

I’m a stripper for Christ’s sakes. I’m paid to lie. Paid to bullshit- paid to be the idea of a fantasy.  Sometimes that involves a white lie here and there. That doesn’t mean that I don’t mean the nice things I say. That doesn’t mean I’m faking it (although I sometimes do). All that means is every now and than instead of telling the truth and you leaving sad with a full wallet I tell a bit of a lie and you leave happy with an empty wallet.

Let me break down a couple of them for you,

What I say- “Oh my god! I’m so happy to see you!”

What I mean- “Thank god you brought your wallet because you now you’re going to spend it on me.”

What I say- “You’re my favorite!”

What I mean- “I can actually enjoy spending time with you without wanting to stab myself with my stiletto.”

What I say- “I actually really like older men.”

What I mean- “I like Washington, Lincoln, Hamilton, Jackson, Grant and Benjamin. That kind of older men.”

What I say- “I don’t do extra-curricular activities.”

What I mean- “Sweetie you have no chance and I really don’t have extra curricular activities so please stop asking.”

What I say- “I really hope to see you again.”

What I mean-“I really hope to see your wallet soon.”

What I say- “Thank you for coming tonight.”

What I mean- “Thank you for coming and being nice, polite, interesting and respectful. It’s customers like you that make my job much better and very enjoyable. So thank you very much.”

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4 Comments
  1. Oh my god, you’ve just broken my heart…

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