Skip to content

The Lies I Tell You

January 13, 2014

All right everyone. I have a confession for all of you back home… I lie.

I’m a stripper for Christ’s sakes. I’m paid to lie. Paid to bullshit- paid to be the idea of a fantasy.  Sometimes that involves a white lie here and there. That doesn’t mean that I don’t mean the nice things I say. That doesn’t mean I’m faking it (although I sometimes do). All that means is every now and than instead of telling the truth and you leaving sad with a full wallet I tell a bit of a lie and you leave happy with an empty wallet.

Let me break down a couple of them for you,

What I say- “Oh my god! I’m so happy to see you!”

What I mean- “Thank god you brought your wallet because you now you’re going to spend it on me.”

What I say- “You’re my favorite!”

What I mean- “I can actually enjoy spending time with you without wanting to stab myself with my stiletto.”

What I say- “I actually really like older men.”

What I mean- “I like Washington, Lincoln, Hamilton, Jackson, Grant and Benjamin. That kind of older men.”

What I say- “I don’t do extra-curricular activities.”

What I mean- “Sweetie you have no chance and I really don’t have extra curricular activities so please stop asking.”

What I say- “I really hope to see you again.”

What I mean-“I really hope to see your wallet soon.”

What I say- “Thank you for coming tonight.”

What I mean- “Thank you for coming and being nice, polite, interesting and respectful. It’s customers like you that make my job much better and very enjoyable. So thank you very much.”

  1. Oh my god, you’ve just broken my heart…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: