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Ms. Manners Strip Club Etiquette

October 2, 2013

done this before but seriously people are idiots. I present to you-

Strip Clubs Do’s and Don’ts…

Part Two.

We need a book on strip club etiquette.

We need a book on strip club etiquette.

I believe that I may have mentioned this in Part One but for the love of all that is holy TIP ME. Yes I’m talking to you ass holes who sit at the bar staring at my stage set. Applauding afterward doesn’t make up for the fact you just spent 10 minutes staring at me while I gave an exceptionally good show. I’m also talking to you, the two women who sat at my tip rail and only had their male friend tip me. Well fuck you very much. I don’t care what your genitalia is- if you are sitting at my goddamn tip rail you better be putting up a couple of bucks.  I’m giving you a performance, having a vagina doesn’t exempt you from having to tip me for it. Bitches. Oh and you, the couple who sat and watched my stage set but were to shy to come up… IDIOT! Don’t bring your wife to the strip club if she’s uncomfortable! But if you got here and she is still uncomfortable I DON’T CARE. If you’re staring you better be sharing.

On that same train of thought- DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME WITHOUT ASKING! Seriously like what the fuck?

Women~ okay ladies, seriously what the fuck? I’ll ask you if you’re comfortable with me touching you before I do so! Why can’t you do the same? Do you like randomly having your boobs, hips, ass (insert correct body part here) grabbed at your job without your permission? You don’t???? Neither do I!

I like women, women are fun, and letting women touch me usually makes me more money. Guys have a major boner for girl on girl fantasies so you RESPECTFULLY touching me WITH MY PERMISSION will make me more money. Women, if you ask I will let you touch me. But for fuck’s sake please ask!

Men~ Don’t touch me. Period. You see I will lie to you and say I’m single but guess what… I’m not. My boyfriend doesn’t care about my job. He’s seen me dance, he knows that I dance clean and have no problem ripping some ass hole a new one. Here’s the thing though- we talk about shit.

Yep, I’m in a relationship where communication is involved.

GASP!

We decided what we, as a couple, are comfortable with. We decided that appropriate touching by women is okay and not okay by men.

Sexist? Probably, but it’s what WE decided so deal with it.

If I’m giving you a lap dance and you really really really want to touch me… DON’T DO IT. Ask, please by all means be polite and ask. I’ll say no, but hey respectful behavior is always cool. If I’m on stage I will move the string of my thong so you can slip a dollar into it. DO NOT try grabbing the front of my dress to shove a dollar down my tits. I will kick you.

Touching without my consent is SEXUAL HARASSMENT OR ASSAULT.

Here is Alex. Alex shows us good touch and bad touch. Just remember if you're a customer you're not my lover or my friend!

Here is Alex. Alex shows us good touch and bad touch. Just remember if you’re a customer you’re not my lover or my friend!

Yes, you can sexually assault someone in the sex industry. If you are confused as to how this works… well, go into the ask a stripper section and I will educate you.

Going along with this idea why do men think it’s okay to tell a stripper they want to put (their body parts) in (dancers body parts)? Seriously what’s up with this? Don’t do this.

If I’m on stage and you tip and I come up to take the tip and dance a little in front of you, do not do what this ass hole did.

Ass hole- “You have such beautiful perky nipples” This is an okay thing to say, my nipples are out and he complimented them so far so good. “I’d love to start sucking on them, I love breasts in my mouth, I love to kiss between them”

Disclaimer- I can’t make this shit up, this is a direct quote.

This started out well. The first bit was perfectly fine. He admired my body and was paying to do so. Cool. The second part? Yeah don’t do that shit.

One- icky!!!!!!!!!!

Two- thanks for putting on a neon creeper sign.

Three- you’ve just destroyed any chance of a good lap dance.

Four- EWWWW!!!!!!!

How the hell is that an okay thing to say to a stripper- to a strange woman in general!?!? Really explain to me how? I work at a no touch club! You kissing me or doing any touching is PROSTITUTION! We don’t have to have sex for it to be prostitution. Prostitution or solicitation is acting or trying to get any sexual favor in return for money. Lap dances are ok under this law. You trying to put my tit in your mouth is not.

All you are  doing by telling me is making me keep said body part as far away from you as I can. I also will coat my tits/ass/whatever body part in hair spray or hand sanitizer so you get a nasty surprise if you try to put your mouth near them. On top of that I will tell the very big, very scary bouncer to kick you out after I squeeze every penny from your offending pores.

Just don’t do that.

Ok, we’ve covered a lot of don’ts. Lets talk about a few do’s.

To the three amazing men who came in Saturday night on a guy’s night- you good sirs are amazing. You all were funny and willing to spend money. We spent damn near my entire night together and you all paid well for my time and attention. You understood how strip clubs worked. You understood the give and take in conversation, and most importantly the fact that my time costs money. You were all okay with that. You knew that as much as we all enjoyed each other’s company I was at work and did need to get paid. We all did a couple of lap dances and because you were so respectful and awesome, I was able to give you amazing lap dances. We had fun. You had great manners and were 100% enjoyable to dance for. Please, please, please, please come again and teach everyone your magical strip club manner ways.

A cartoon on customer service to make you leave with a smile.

A cartoon on customer service to make you leave with a smile.

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From → Who Knows What

2 Comments
  1. Very good advice. Thanks for posting it. ~ Dennis

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