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Consent, Feminism and Taking My Clothes Off

September 30, 2013

When my parents found out I was a stripper one of the many things they asked was how could I hold the feminist values I advocate for and do this as a job. At the time the only answer was I control it and I didn’t think that this was a good enough answer.

I spent the past week thinking about that, and really that is a good enough answer.

At work I am consenting to being objectified and I am controlling the situation I’m objectified in.

Feminism is about choice. A woman has the choice to do what she wants with her body. If a woman chooses to sleep with a hundred men or chooses to show her body to a hundred men for free well that’s alright and every feminist organization will praise her for taking power of her body.

Objectification- starting in Middle School

Objectification- starting in Middle School

But if she demands those men pay for the privilege?

Well fuck she’s now conforming to the patriarchy and must be shamed.

How the fuck does that make any sense?

Women reading this- I’m assuming most of you have or have had some sort of day job right?

How many times at work have you felt objectified by a male or (even female co-worker?) Snotty comments about outfit choice? Or how you did your make up or lack there of? Or the photos from your girls night out that you posted on Facebook? Anything.

How many times did you consent to this objectification?

How many times did it distract from your job?

How many times did it make you feel bad about yourself?

From my own experience in the office/daytime job world it happened to me a lot.

When I go to work as a stripper I am consenting to being objectified by a large portion of my customers.

That’s right I am activly making the choice to allow myself to be objectified.

I’m GIVING my CONSENT.

I have to option to consent to this and I am choosing to.

At the same time my customers are consenting to paying me for the privilege and to follow the rules laid out by the club we’re in. We’re entering a social contract- I let you stare at my naked body, you treat me with respect and fucking pay me for it.

I can kick a customer out for not following this social contract and I will.

I’m just a bitch like that.

So yes- control is enough of an option because in this job I have the control and the power to consent. In damn near every other job I don’t. That to me is enough of a reason to call this a feminist job.

P.S. I was going to include more photos in this post but I google searched sluts and objectification and lost all faith in humanity… I’m going to bed early now.

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From → Body Stuff

12 Comments
  1. kiara8921 permalink

    i totally agree with this. I hate the type of girl that puts on slutty clothes and then has a fit when some guy objectifies her and calls him a pervert. I always want to say, ‘come on, you didn’t put that outfit on so guys would ignore you. You don’t get to pick who looks at you.’

    But really, not only do you get to pick who looks at/objectifies you (the customers) but you also get paid for it. You expect it, hell, it’s what you go there for. You are taking complete control of the situation and exploiting the perverts to make a living. I’d definitely put that in the feminist category.

    • See I think its alright for guys to look b/c lets be honest i’m looking too. But the guys have to be held responsible for their actions. Often times they’re not.

      And you get it all exactly how I see it. Thanks so much for the read!

    • I have to say, you’re hitting on one of my pet peeves here, which is this idea that you cannot appreciate someone in a sexual way without objectifying them. A woman can wear a short skirt and high heels and go out in public and feel sexy and want people to think she looks sexy and maybe even flirt with her a bit without wanting to be treated like an object with no feelings or agency of her own.

      I feel like the two – sexualization and objectification – are conflated all the time, and as a woman who enjoys her sexuality but does not enjoy being objectified, I find this very troubling.

      • I feel that sometimes the response to sexuality and objectification is often not to call out the objectification but instead to desexualize the sexy. Sadly in our culture now if something is sexy it is often objectified. We are starting to come back and say that this is bad but instead of calling out the objectifiers we’re calling out the sexy people.

        It’s a little backwards if you think about it.

  2. Feminism means equality among sexes. So long as you “choose” to objectify yourself to men, you are allowing a woman (you) to be reduced to body parts. An object. Objects are not respected. They are a toy to be discarded after the cheap thrill. You aren’t empowered simply because you’re making money. You are diminished into a soulless, faceless nothing. And it fuels the notion that women are no good unless they are pleasing men. Men who lose an ounce more respect for women every time they leave your club and go home to their wives. There is no feminism here. No equality in being an object.

    • I realize re-reading the post I focused only on the men who choose to objectify. I neglected to tell the stories of the ones who don’t. In general men who view strippers as objects are the minority. It really depends on the night.

      I completely disagree with your opinion about empowerment. I have to say that as you have never worked in a club you have little to no ground to base your opinion off of. Many nights I have men who come in with their wives to hang out and have fun.

      Thank you so much for sharing your comment even if we differ in opinions.

      • You don’t know the facts. I know more than you think. Still, we differ. You’ll get it one day. Promise. You’ll understand. Unfortunately.

      • May I ask your experience? If you are comfortable sharing.

  3. Aphrodite permalink

    Hi I’m new on your blog, and it’s well written.
    I especially enjoyed this post and I totally agree with you.
    Consent…for some people it’s extremely difficult to understand, for some mysterious reason 😉

    • HI!!! I’m glad you found me! I’ve been reading and enjoying a lot of your stuff. Glad you came to the party.

      I still don’t understand how it can be such a difficult concept. If I’m not consenting or can’t consent it’s a bad thing. If I can consent and I choose to consent it’s a good thing. People are weird.

  4. Thanks for the share!

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  1. Sexy Bitch – The Problem With Feminism | Cash & Carry Me Home

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