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Bitch bout to get Bitch Slapped

September 26, 2013

Ok lets get one thing straight: I’m not.

Hahaha, I made a joke.

But no really. There are a few things I want to set the record on. The next person who says stripping is easy money is going to get bitch-slapped with a high heel. If you prefer, I can use my hand covered in pointy rings instead. Or my fist – I’m not picky. Really I’m not.

Lets just all make one thing clear: STRIPPING IS NOT EASY MONEY!

This sums it up pretty good actually.

This sums it up pretty good actually.

I put time, money and effort into my job just like you put into your regular 9-5. The only way stripping is fast money is that it’s cash up front; the only way stripping is easy money is that it’s cash up front. After that, take every idea of easy money and ban it from your head because it is a fucking lie.

Honesty time. I’m kind of a bitchy person. I really don’t give a damn about close to anything a customer wants to tell me. I really don’t – I’m sorry. I have enough shit in my life that I’m trying to sort through. I am not a trained shrink, I’m not a priest, and the lap dance couch is not a confessional booth.

Some people think that these things are the truth. They want to tell me their story and, you know what, I’ll even be willing to listen. I’ll listen to all of your problems while sitting in a cocktail dress and 6-inch platform heels with my hair and makeup done perfectly. I will give you a performance using tricks I spent months learning, often ending in a bruised and sore body. I will laugh at your dumb jokes and smile when you tip me three bucks and act like it was the highlight of my night. I will smile, laugh and flirt in all the right spots so you can feel good about yourself.

What’s more I will spend time and energy learning pole tricks so I can better entertain you so you tip me. I will dance to that stupid death metal song you thought it would be funny to request and I will dance to it well.

My job is not easy. It is high-paying, that is true. But it is not easy. I’ve said this before but I think it’s worth repeating. I DO NOT GET PAID TO COME TO WORK!!!

One more time now.

I DON’T GET PAID TO COME TO WORK!

I provide my own shoes ($50+ a pair), my own outfits (anywhere from $10-60 depending on quality and style), hair, makeup, and any other beauty things I might need like waxing or tanning or anything along those lines. Coming to work puts red in my ledger. On top of that I add more red because I have to PAY TO COME TO WORK. I don’t like red in my ledger. Red bad; black in the ledger is good. But I gotta work my ass off to get there.

I don't wear shoes this high but a pair like this will cost 80 bucks easy.

I don’t wear shoes this high but a pair like this will cost 80 bucks easy.

 

These make me laugh but at the same time clear heels are always tacky. These are at least 70 also.

These make me smile but at the same time clear heels are always tacky, never wear clear heels. These are at least 70 also.

Take last night for an example. Last night was a slow Tuesday. I didn’t make as much as I wanted to but, oh well, shit sucks. I worked and hustled to make what I made. What do I have to show for it this morning?

I overslept this morning and my hip joints are screaming at me from learning new pole tricks.

Stripping may seem like easy money because it’s cash in your hand right away but it’s not. I work for every dime I make. Say whatever you want about my job –  just don’t call it easy money.

Deal?

Deal. No one will get bitch-slapped.

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