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Where Art Thou Romeo?

July 31, 2013

In my Ask a Stripper section of the blog a reader asked a question about dating customers. I decided that that question couldn’t be answered in a small paragraph. It’s to complicated of an answer to be sweetly summed up in a few sentences. So emeraldjewelsparkle, here is the answer to your question.

Dating as a stripper.

Dear god almighty, where the hell do I start? To make my life a bit easier I’ll start with the question that lead to the creation of this post.

Do dancers often end up dating customers and starting relationships with them?

This is one of those it depends on the dancer sortta things. As far as I go the answer is a strong no. Well mostly a no. There was one case which I will get to later.

I’ve just found that 87% of the time business and pleasure do not mix. At all. Think of it this way. If you meet a customer in the bar, do a couple of dances with him get to know him over time and finally you go out to dinner with him, start getting into a relationship. Sounds pretty simple right? It’s not.

You see when a customer meets you at work he’s seeing you in a sexual way. That’s the whole point of a strip club. Men seeing me as a sexual being is what writes my rent check, not ot mention the tuition one. No matter how many dates you go on, or how well you get to know the customer-now-potential-love-interest out side of work they’re going to remember how/where they met you. They’re going to think of all the not so kosher thoughts they had about you the first time they got a lap dance and they’re going to know that every night some other guy is having those same thoughts.

Most men cant deal with that.

I break men who try to date strippers they met in the strip club in to three categories.

One- THE SAVIOR- this guy wants to save you. He wants to swoop in be the knight in shining armor who can take you away from the degradation of having to take your cloths off in front of strange men. This guy thinks that he can play hero and you’ll fall at his feet worshiping him. This guy annoys the hell out of me. I don’t feel degraded as a stripper and get insulted if a customer suggests I am. I don’t need a savior and I don’t have time for one. I’ll usually end up sitting down and explaining to this guy exactly why I’m a dancer and why I don’t need his help at all. It’s an eye opener for them. This guy’s intentions are usually in the right spot just misguided.

Two- THE SCUMBAG- This guy thinks you are a stripper so therefore you have to be a whore. He wants to put something hot and kinky on his arm so he can show you off to all his friends and tell then what a freak you are in bed. This guy also annoys the hell out of me. He’s an idiot but I can usually take what ever is in his wallet from him with out too much of a struggle. That always makes me feel satisfied. This guy will offer you a “good time” if you just give him your real name. Because he is obviously such a catch. He’ll also flash money around and all in all just act like the worlds biggest jack-ass.

Three- THE GOOD GUY- This is the guy that I alluded to above. He’s a nice guy. If you met him in a regular bar you’d think about giving him your number. He see’s you as a woman worth getting to know outside of work. The problem is that he usually can’t deal with the fact you’re a stripper in the long run. Once things start getting serious he wants you to quit dancing but you like your independence too much to stop. Or your bills are too much for you to stop. (I mean seriously have you tried to pay tuition on a regular job lately?) He can’t get comfortable with the fact that you are going to continue to make money with your tits and you won’t quit. Or he starts to question if you can be a stripper and be faithful and other variations of that.

Now all that being said it does happen. Hell sometimes it works. I know one chick who I used to dance with who met a customer at work, started sleeping with him, moved with him to Indiana and is planning her wedding. Stripper love story success.

I also know a girl who started dating a very wealthy customer. We all knew that to him she was basically a live in full time hooker, she thought it was real. She went into a real tailspin when it ended and just now is climbing her way out. He on the other hand has moved on to another dancer I used to work with. See a pattern here?

Like I said I usually have a no work with pleasure rule. Don’t fuck co-workers, don’t mix customers and personal life, all that jazz. Well right before I left for my semester in Guatemala I was going through a dry spell and wanted to get laid. A customer came in that I was attracted to. Since it was my last night until I got back I decided fuck it. I slipped him my number and we ended up screwing our brains out. I left the country we stayed in touch. Now that I’m back we’re still sleeping together and it works for us. But only because we have rules.

It’s not a relationship. We’re not dating. We’re spending excessive time together and most of it happens to be naked. We’re not looking for sex anywhere else but hey if something comes along we take it.

It works for us. I enjoy sex but I am in no way shape or form ready for a relationship. He’s on the road half the time and doesn’t want one either. It’s hard to date as a dancer. I’m honest about my job and even meeting guys (or girls) out side the club makes them fall into one of the same categories above.

My bouncer and I were actually talking about this the other day. Bitching about how hard it was to date while working in any aspect of the club. He said something I think is true. I’m going to end up with either someone much older than me who can understand the industry or with someone who’s worked in the business. Because otherwise it’s going to be hard as hell. Either way I’m not looking for anything like that.

But enough of that. I have to go shave my legs before work. Sunday’s post will be about how to deal with people thinking I’m a hooker at work.

Remember you can always follow me on twitter @not_one_story!

  1. I have always found most exotic dancers to be interesting people to want to know. I can say there are enough to mention on the other side as well. Those in the business that cannot handle what they are doing and fall into bad places. I also find that many of the good ones have the best perspective on sexual activity. It is separate from other aspects of life and they keep it there. Not to say it is the default thought, just a general it is commonality. 😉

    • I would tend to agree with almost all of it. There are some that fall into a very very bad place and there are others who take the industry and make it their bitch. I’d agree on the sexual aspect as well although I have met some strippers who are complete prudes.

  2. emeraldjewelsparkle permalink

    That was really interesting to hear it from your point of view. You really are breaking down many of the stereotypes I’ve been force-fed about the life of a dancer and i enjoy reading your posts. Thanks for sharing with us 🙂

    • Yeah breaking down stereotypes!!! There are a few guys that can handle it all though so when I want to date-date there is hope yet! I hope…

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