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Life, Death and Taxes

July 25, 2013

We’ve all heard the saying nothing in life is certain but death and taxes.

I’m not sure about the first part but I do know taxes are a guarantee. It’s part of life and honestly they do lots of good things. I’m not jumping up and down to give away my money but I like things like public schools, hospitals, nice roads and all that sort of fun stuff. Just saying. So I’m a good girl and I pay my taxes.

Have you ever tried to pay taxes with a strictly cash income? Worlds biggest headache.

I wish it looked like this but what can you do.

I wish it looked like this but what can you do.

Now I am not a numbers person. I’m a criminology major for goodness sakes. I took linguistics to avoid having to take math. I don’t like math at all. I like words. So what do I do for my rather complicated taxes?

I hire a CPA. Because I don’t have time to be audited. I have much better things to do.

I’ve never hired/had a CPA before. My taxes used to be the really simple. Fill out a W2 give it to my parents and let them file it for me.

Now I’m doing things like saving recites for deductibles and setting aside 20% of what I earn to make quarterly payments. I didn’t know quarterly payments existed. Now I do and my CPA is sending me the coupons I need to start paying the government.

So Monday I started CPA shopping. Basically I started calling different firms, looking to find someone who had experience doing stripper taxes so I could get the best I could.

I got hung up on!

I called different firms looking and asked to speak to one of the accountants. I’d explain that I worked as an exotic dancer, recently moved back to the area and that I had a few tax questions and if there were taking on clients or had experience in that area. Pretty straight forward, simple. It’s business. I pay you so you can help me pay the government. Fuck I’m being responsible and shit don’t I get any credit for that?

One of the firms I called hung up on me! When I asked if he had any experience with taxes for a dancer he said no he didn’t and had no desire to get any and hung up.

Ok that’s just rude.

Yes I realize my job isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but this is taxes damn it, not apply for seminary school! I’m doing the responsible thing, the right thing. I’m trying to pay my taxes! I mean seriously.

Other firms I called were perfectly polite but not taking on new clients at the time. Which is fine. I finally found someone who was nice and respectful on the phone and happened to be taking on new clients. I made an appointment and yesterday went in for a meeting.

Bad news from that. Because I’m technically considered self employed I have to pay taxes on myself. Basically I set aside twenty percent of what I make every night to send in quarterly to the IRS. Good news is I could get some of that back at the end of the year if I end up paying in too much. Which would be nice to say the least.

According to google this is what a tax return looks like.

According to google this is what a tax return looks like.

Good news is I have a lot I can potentially deduct. Like waxing, tanning, my dance shoes which let me tell you are not cheap. That is all good because they are my expenses for work. Like makeup for example. I don’t really wear make up in my daily life but every night for work I’m putting some on. It’d be nice to be able to deduct that. Plus my CPA was very nice and perfectly polite. I feel like he could really help me not only because it’s his job but because he’s a good guy.

That’s important to me. I don’t want some ass hole who thinks that women who work as dancers are unworthy of respect doing my taxes. Or anything else in my life. Luckily I get to stay pretty clear of those types.

But like I said nothing in life is certain but death and taxes and I can now say I have at least one of those figured out.

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2 Comments
  1. wishuy permalink

    Some people are just so arrogant. At least you are paying taxes when it would be so easy to not bother (although that is from an Aussie’s pov and our tax system).

    • it would be really easy to not to. I just don’t want anything to come back and bite me in the ass later. But hey that’s just me personally 🙂

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