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Strippers Bag of Tricks

July 19, 2013

First off let me apologize for the delay in blogging. My parents came to visit me and bring me the rest of my furniture. It’s difficult to blog about my semi secret life when surrounded by a large portion of the people I keep it a secret from. On to more interesting topics.

I’ve often been asked what I bring to work with me.

What the hell goes into a dancers bag?

I mean what exactly do you need for a nights work? If you go to a regular day job (if I remember correctly) you don’t actually need to bring all that much. When I worked my office job all I brought to work was my purse and a lunch and maybe a book to read on break.

 I know dancers that lug suitcases to work.

 I’m not quite that bad. I have an oversized bag but instead of barely fitting carry-on measurements mine is more of a weekend bag size. Still what the hell could I possibly need to bring that takes up so much space.

 Well I’ll tell you.

 My dance bag usually consists of at least three (or more) outfits, baby wipes, make up bag, two pairs of shoes- minimum- as many thongs as I can fit, tooth paste, gum, deodorant, perfume, a lock and key, super glue, more baby wipes, antibacterial stuff, hand sanitizer, shoe bands and my dance purse.  


what packing my bag before work looks like

That’s a lot of crap needed for 8-9 hours of work. But it all has a use.

The outfits are self-explanatory. If I wear the same outfit all night or too often it gets boring. Customers can gloss over it and look at who is wearing something new and exciting. The sheer amount of lingerie I know own is scary. My future spouse will be a very very happy person. I usually buy my costumes of the Internet and if the fit isn’t quite right I adjust them to fit better. It’s cheaper that way.

The shoes also explain themselves. An extra pair in case one breaks or doesn’t match an outfit I want to wear. Make up is also self-explanatory. Look glamorous make money. I think deodorant and perfume are included on the explains itself list.

The latest addition to my shoe collection!

The latest addition to my shoe collection!

Although side note about perfume. Often times if a man is married he might not tell his wife he’s going to the strip club. A lot of married men wont buy a lap dance if a girl is wearing to much perfume because he does NOT want to go home smelling like another woman. So if I wear perfume I put it only in my hair. That way if I go out for a smoke with a customer the smoke smell wont cling to my hair nor will my perfume be so much I’ll loose a dance if my customer is a married man.

Back to the dance bag.

Lock and key so I can lock my things in a locker during the night- better safe than sorry. Super glue in case I have to make any emergency repairs, antibacterial stuff in case I scrape myself on stage. Sadly that is not exactly uncommon. My dance purse is a small bag I carry around to put the money I make in. Tooth paste in case I need to do the whole brush my teeth with my finger because I ate something with a smell thing.

All of those have fairly obvious uses. But baby wipes? And hand sanitizer? These are sometimes the most important things I carry.

Just like you imagined them. Baby wipes

Just like you imagined them. Baby wipes

I have no idea who did this but some idiot thought that having black lights in a strip club was the best thing since sliced bread. This person is obviously male and stupid. You see black light makes lots of things appear, most of them not good. For example toilet paper lint.

It is way not sexy when you go to the bathroom and suddenly the stage lights are showing little white lint spots all over your crotch. Like take not sexy and times it by a couple of hundred because that’s basically what it ends up being. So baby wipes to clean your intimate area’s during the night.

Also doing makeup. Baby wipes are perfect for cleaning the little bit of eye shadow powder that falls on your face when you put it on. Or you want your eyeliner to have a sexy slightly smudged look? Baby wipes. Your lipstick went outside the lines a bit? Baby wipes. End of the night and you want to take your make up off completely but most removers are to harsh for your skin? Baby wipes.

Or say you have a customer and went to give a lap dance. He turned out to be all gross and sweaty and you feel icky after dancing on him for five songs? Go to the dressing room, strip naked and clean yourself with baby wipes.  

Hand sanitizer is kind of the same as far as cleaning yourself up. However, it has other uses. Sometime customers think they can be really icky and try to lick your tits. You cant always slap their hand away but hand sanitizer tastes disgusting so put a little of that on your boobs and not happy surprise for the icky customer. Plus they still have to pay you.

So that’s my typical bag of tricks. Sometimes I add things sometimes I take stuff out. All depends on the night. Just never forget, baby wipes. They are Gods gift to strippers everywhere.

One more photo because baby wipes are that awesome

One more photo because baby wipes are that awesome

Don’t forget you can always check me out on Twitter @not_one_story! Feel free to tweet me any questions. I’ll answer them all and who knows maybe even write a full post about it!

  1. wishuy permalink

    Loved all that description. Must say I’m going to do the whole perfume in my hair thing, not because of other guys smelling of me ( I got my one man and he loooooves the smell of me), but for the smoking smell. Nothing worse than coming home from a night out and not being able to sleep on your pillow cause all you smell is cigarettes (plus highly annoying having to wash your hair at 3 in the morning, and drunk).

    • Its really the best thing that I’ve found to work. Just spritz a little in your hair and you will barely be able to smell smoke at the end of the night. Because I agree completely, smelling like an ash tray at the end of the night sucks.

  2. A certain someone permalink

    Good idea about the hand sanitizer on the nipples. Never thought of that.

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